It’s Okay to be Lovesick in a Cruel World

It’s okay to be lovesick. We live in a cruel world.

I’m only twenty-five, but I can tell you that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I have been in an on and off long distance relationship since I was twenty-one. Loving someone from a distance is the hardest adventure my heart has gone through. I’m jealous of people who get to see their special person whenever they want. I’m jealous of people who aren’t separated by distance. I’m jealous of people who get to fall asleep with the person they love. I’m jealous. I’m so irreversibly jealous.

Let me tell you about my boyfriend. My boyfriend has skin the color of dark chocolate mousse. He gives the best hugs. He gives the best forehead kisses. His hands and his arms solve problems faster than all of my therapists and psychiatrists put together. When he kisses me, the world is a less cruel place. He’s a wonderful man, the strongest man that I know. I’m 110% in love with him.
When we began our relationship, I was living in Florida. On our second date, I gave him a heart-shaped sand dollar from Pensacola Beach. I had a knack for finding heart-shaped sand dollars. To this day, he still has his and I still have mine. Sand dollars are kind of our thing.

If I’m lucky, I get to see him at least once a year. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. Only once a year?! Yup, only once a year. He lives in Richmond. I live in Pittsburgh. So why only once a year? Call me a cliché, but money is tight. I don’t have a salaried position right now—I make $11 an hour selling books. I can’t afford to pay my own car insurance, so my parents help me out. I still live at home because, well, $11 an hour doesn’t cut it for an apartment anywhere unless I have roommates. Nobody I know is looking for a roommate, and I’m picky about the people that I let around my cat. One of these days, I’m going to move back to Virginia. One of these days, distance is going to be something that the two of us laugh about.

Being in a long distance relationship has taught me a lot. When you’re in a long distance relationship, patience takes on a whole new meaning. I have bad days. Sometimes I just sit in my room and cry. I’m allowed to have bad days. On those days, I feel like I can’t go on. On those days, I feel like I’m suffocating. I keep my sand dollar extra close on those days. Sometimes, I don’t think I’ll make it through those days, but somehow I always do. Being in a long distance relationship makes you stronger. Somehow, you learn how to toughen up.

Years ago, the term ‘lovesick’ would probably have made me grimace. Now, I just smile at the notion and replay old memories of the two of us in my head. If you’re not absolutely obsessed with the person you’re with, then you’re with the wrong person. If you’re not lovesick, then I hope you find someone who makes you lovesick. See, you deserve to be lovesick in this cruel world. The world, as beautiful as it is, is full of sadness and violence and a lot of pain. You deserve to find your escape from all of that. You deserve to be lovesick.

The last time I saw my boyfriend was last May. We laid in bed in my hotel room and watched Jurassic Park together. I’m driving down this May to see him. I cannot wait. I cannot wait for his magical hugs and his even more magical kisses. I cannot wait to feel like everything is right again in this complicated world. My heart is pounding just thinking about it. I miss him all the time. He makes my heart so happy. If you call me lovesick, I’ll take that as a compliment.

- Anj A.

Leave a comment